What's Mom?

I’ve come to realize what a burden my mother has placed unintentionally by way of the laws of nature on my family and I. I grew up nature > nurture and boy do I suffer from it. The mom I knew most left in 1997, she’s still here but stuck doing the same thing every month on years’ end. Back to back, it’s almost as if she’s looking forward for disaster to strike. She’s been gambling her SSI income uncontrollably with the intention of winning something for a streak of 9 consecutive years. I mean, she just doesn’t get it, I try to make her realize things that are obvious to which a normal person would understand. I have officially given up on her. There’s absolutely positively nothing I can do or say to change her way of functioning, thinking, or way of life. Half my life has gone swell, until my parents divorce, it does have its’ effect on a child. The only thing I look forward from her is probably a decease notice from the great guys in law enforcement. Treatment is not an option especially if the patient refuses any type at all (been there). She’s a schizophrenic from what I’ve observed and on occasion, delusional. I’ve wanted a female figure to show me the side of a woman any man would love to adore, instead, trial and error through experience has shown me enough. I’ve been subjected to learn anything really, on my own. I seriously do not know who she is anymore. Do you?

Not a Chance of Glancing Back

Sometimes I want to give up. When no one cares or has the slightest sympathy, it becomes overwhelmingly impossible to move forward. While I see other family get along so well, I get jealous. Even if it’s just one sibling or parent, it looks comforting. I have the most blind sighted narrow minded self involved individuals running around in my family. I don’t know what it’s like to have a functional family, let alone, a regular human being in the “tree”. They are in fact here physically but in no way here wholeheartedly. I either wish I was never born or given up for adoption to as an infant when requested by this woman I probably should have grew up along the way with. Now, I know life isn’t fair, but what is? Will diving into this new lifestyle in the shortcoming change my attitude or will it fair worse…Here’s to looking forward.

DSCzerozero44zero

Not the greatest of pix, but I do enjoy a nice shoot once in a long while. Thanks to the ex for this Carl Zeiss shot. Photos are among the many forms of expression. More to come when I get my own set of lens. Til' then, enjoy.

per annum mania

Time keeps moving in a direction we all share. Pears are well rounded from a view none other.
Pace places an effort like an inching piece of hair. Stares indicate an engulfing rage of flair.
Directional walkways suffer freedom to move about. Eden's garden is open to roam alone.
Right way is always wrong, no doubt. A wide view embellishes the pitch in shout.
Passages are created for us to follow. In turn, we choose the next path to make way.
Embark on a journey until the next tomorrow. For I have indeed experienced enough sorrow.

Error Echo

Life is beautiful, Living can be ugly, Leaving shall be a blessing to have lived.

Precious moments are defined by self judgement of perception in the now of which had occured. What may or might not happen depends on choices influenced heavily between you and the "others". Inspiration is standard upon character showmanship that defies the limit. Should I be here?, who knows. Will I strive and pick up what was never there?, maybe. It's better to have change than to not change at all. May God be with me.